Self-Compassion - 3 Reasons Why It Matters and How to Cultivate It

date: 2024-05-29

author: Ana Miletić

I get it. There are a lot of buzzwords that start with a dubious 'self' prefix. Self-care, self-kindness, self-improvement, and the list goes on. Don't worry. It is not our intention to convert you into a Self-Care Bear. We are, however, mindful of one fact. Our culture frequently promotes unrelenting standards and values (self)criticism.

We are led to believe that they are the gatekeepers and that we would somehow become selfish, weak, and useless if we approach our hurts gently and with kindness.

Well, the verdict (science) is in. If anything, these notions keep us overwhelmed, feeling defective and isolated. And the antidote? You guessed it, instilling more self-compassion instead.

Here are the Whys by Dr Kristine Neff

  • Greater self-compassion is linked to less mental health problems
  • Self-compassionate people ruminate much less
  • Even brief exercises improve the capacity to self-soothe
  • Self-compassion mitigates the effects of challenging life events

We listed a few examples of Hows

  • Introduce regular mindfulness or grounding practices
  • Track and mindfully notice any changes in mood or emotions
  • Bring awareness to triggers and risk factors, and map them out
  • Experiment with self-compassionate journaling

As defined by Dr Kristin Neff, self-compassion is a positive self-attitude that can be called upon during difficult times to alleviate suffering. It includes six components, representing poles of three basic dimensions. A brief description of said dimensions offers some insights on how to cultivate this approach:

  1. Mindfulness vs. Over-Identification

Cultivating a non-judgmental, receptive stance in which one observes internal occurrences without self-judgement or over-identification, i.e., getting hooked by specific thoughts, emotions, and sensations. E.g., noticing and naming thoughts, emotional responses and bodily sensations with curiosity and openness, i.e., "I have a thought that this will last forever, and I am experiencing helplessness."

  1. Common Humanity vs. Isolation

Being human, we are vulnerable, imperfect, and prone to make mistakes by design. Thus, suffering is part of the human experience, not a manufacturing defect. E.g., understanding that unpleasant feelings are part of the human condition, i.e., "I am not alone in this, suffering is part of life."

  1. Self-Kindness vs. Self-Judgement

Self-kindness prompts us to accept reality, no matter how harsh it might be, and our personal experiences with acceptance and warmness. It helps us to approach painful moments of suffering gently and compassionately. E.g., approaching a difficult experience with a more helpful mindset and stance that would promote psychologically flexible actions, i.e., "May I learn to accept myself as I am."

This text reflects research findings and concepts shared on the self-compassion.org website. You can find more useful self-compassion practices there.

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